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"Heather touched my arm, and I jumped. I didn't realize when I flew out of Evan's lap I landed so close to her chair.I was looking from Jean-Luc to Evan to Heather trying to control my panic. I had asked Jean-Luc what he did there, but he answered my question with a question. And he pointed at Evan when he did it.Heather touched my elbow again, she gave me a gentle tug, and I sat down in her lap. I had a feeling they were all laughing at me."Evan and Jean-Luc are definitely ass men," she said. They looked over at us."In every way," Jean-Luc said."I thought only gay guys had anal sex," I said.They all cracked up."Why?" Evan asked."Why what?" I asked."Why did you think that?" Well...well...ah...you know...ah...I thought that if there was a you know, 'down there' to put it in, that's where straight couples put it." God Evan, she's adorable," Jean-Luc said. "Share."Evan shrugged. "It's up to her."What?My eyes bounced from one guy to another and back like I was watching a professional. To cut a long story short, I dressed as Jamie on the trip, andShane and I ended up in bed and he made love to me. The next night we gotback to Cockatoo and Pao was stabbed. That's when you met me as Jamie."Praew leant forward and took my hand. "Thank you, James. That must havebeen hard for you to say." Parts of it, Praew. But, thank you for listening, it has actually mademe feel better, sharing it with someone." How do you feel about it all now? Being Jamie, I mean, and about Shane."I paused for a moment, trying to get my thoughts in order."I'm OK with it all, I think. I like being Jamie from time to time. Itallows me to live out a different part of my personality. I wouldn't wantto be Jamie all the time, but when I am, I feel calmer, more sensitive,more relaxed; in a way I can't do as James. Maybe it's about not havingto carry around the macho bullshit all the time. It's also made me awareof how women are treated by men, how vulnerable women can be."I thought back to the attack the.
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